Sunday night, Mom's birthday.

Figured I touch base here on occasion. :0)  Pretty good weekend. Pain was kept manageable, and the nausea. Nice Friday night with my brother, Saturday an early birthday celebration that I was able to make it out till 1030 or so too! Spent today at the pool with my family for Mom's birthday! Now it's crash time! I have them coated in Aveeno skin relief and covered in soft socks! Hoping for a good sleep here later since it seems like we ran all weekend! I guess its inevitable!

Off to relax! God Bless!

Wednesday

Missing my old blog :/ lol been with me from the beginning!

Still hanging in there. ;)

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Monday. :) Happy day.

Start of a new week. Unfortunately blog has been compromised and I no longer feel able to vent my feelings here. Someone reads and feels need to make comments and such on other sites. So until I find a way to block I'm gonna keep my feelings to myself. :)

No worries. I'm pretty resourceful. Made it through the weekend. And that crummy hospital stay. Only 9 weeks of chemo to go!!

God Bless! <3

Sunday night.

CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!!

Stressssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss, how to eliminate it, or jump off the bridge! 

Sunday!!!

Simon is off to church. Feels like I slept hours last night trying to catch up! Woke up this morning feeling not to bad :) . Quite jet lagged with no appetite, but oh so happy to be home. Just that one night in hospital, makes one appreciate their own surroundings a lot more. Good to be home.

No plans Sunday. Headed to shower. Not moving real fast but really no need. Today I want to enjoy the day and relax, on the deck and enjoy this gorgeous day. Still a bit chilly at 56 but supposed to warm up to a nice comfy 72. lol That means low blood count girl will be sporting some sweats again today but I will take it!

Hoping for an uneventful week, except for chemo Thursday. :) No more hospitals or Enjoy this beautiful day that the lord has given us!

God Bless!

Rain clouds.

Felt pretty good yesterday before chemo. But had some trouble afterwards. Leaving there I noticed a real sense of weakness and heaviness in my legs and chest sqeezing sensation in the middle of my chest. But figured it is related to the benedryl dragging that I get after chemo. Usually improve as the day goes on once I am home. It didn't yesterday. So I knew it was something to get checked. They had warned me the one chemo drug is hard on you heart and they had ordered a base line MUGA test before starting the drug so as to have something to compare changes to while taking it.

Last night in the E.R. they just did and EKG and some blood work.  I didn't hear anything negative from those, But oncology doctor wanted me to stay the night for observation and have a cardiologist do an ecko on me before letting me go home. So this morning I will get that test, I also slept with something attached to my chest all night that reads the whole time. The squeezing eems to have lessoned quite a bit. And even yesterday I had this horrendous struggle to keep eyes open or move legs but wasn't tired, and didn't feel the sickness or nausea that I've had for so long. I actually felt good other than the 2 new things. Now so far this am not bad at all. Did need Zofran iv for a little belly rolling but figured I'd nip it early. :)

Hoping for some good news from doctor and released today. All in all feeling pretty good. Just crossing fingers my heart checks out alright. I KNEW I should have worked harder at that 4 to 6 oz of red wine they say that is GREAT for your heart! lol

Happy Day to all, and God Bless!!!!

TGIF...Friday! Finally!

Cheers to the weekend. Yesterday I started to feel good off and on. :) Better than I have in days, well I guess more like weeks! This week though, when I think about it, I've managed to eat also, very small portions but more often. Way better than the previous two weeks. Still trying to watch my water intake, which is kinda of crazy, I should just ask for my blood work today I had my appointment yesterday with doctor and voiced some of my concerns and also got the all clear for chemo this morning. I'm anxious to keep moving with it, each delay, tacks onto the end. As of right now chemo will be completed mid October. Yay!

After doctor's I took Simon to the park. I managed to get him down for an early nap so he could go with me. He ran around the park and just watching him was uplifting! Hadn't felt well enough all summer to take him. We managed an hour and a half then had to come home. I still tire so easily. Hey, he got his nap in early, but that ment I missed mine! lol But over all a pretty good day. :)

Off to shower soon and mom will be picking me up for chemo. Shelly is in Atlanta on DIY blog stuff. :/ I can't think about it, or I tear up. I like her home and close! Mom and I will manage. :)  Big brother Kaleb is watching Simon this morning again. <3

Have a fabulous Friday! We are! God Bless!

Chemo delayed.

Oncology called yesterday and my doctor was off  and will not be in this morning, so chemo is on hold till I can see her and get the ok for it. They had just gotten my pathology on the MRSA. They scheduled me for 1:45 today. Right at naptime. :) Once she clears me, more than likely they said I will be scheduled for Friday morning.

Wondering how long chemo drugs stay in your system after you've finished. Having last weeks put on hold I thought I'd be dancing in joy and happiness feeling good this week. lol Maybe its the MRSA. I guess I've actually only had 2 full days and one that first night of new correct drug for it. I DID read on other peoples blogs, chemo patients, that had gotten MRSA, have a difficult time with repeat infections with it, one poor lady had it 11 times! YIKES! BUT, I also read one recommendation of swabbing your nose daily with Neosporin or Bacitracin makes a HUGE difference. That is DEFINATLY on my list to ask doctor and supply up on!!!  :) New goal is to get rid of this and keep it from returning. I now wipe the toilet seat with Lysol wipes every time after I use it to keep anyone else in this house from getting it. Made me think about the cancer center where I get my chemo. There are no wipes in there bathroom and no toilet seat covers. And no doctor had warned me of this possibility. I wonder how many patients in there may have it and are too embarrassed to ask the doctor about it. hmmm I believe I've been carrying this from first round of chemo almost 2 mths when I told her about it after first chemo and SHOWED her it and she gave me wrong meds.  :/  I have am not one to be embarrassed to mention something if it's making me sick but others may be.

Ahh live and learn. :) Focus on keeping healthy and making certain changes. Off to start my day! I plan to make it a good one! God Bless!

Wednesday!

Stay upbeat, stay upbeat....yes, talking to myself! :)  Day 2 new antibiotic. I find myself really hoping some of this yucky feeling is just MRSA related and is going to disappear along with it!

Have to drink a lot of water with this new antibiotic but trying to watch my intake. My sodium runs low and the water doesn't help. I've always been big water drinker, but the problem is that it flushes out the sodium so quick. I passed out when pregnant with Simon from it, and yesterday felt sooo woozy all day, I know I have to be careful!

Focusing on keeping August plans in my mind. Lots of fun stuff to try and go to. My favorite month! lol  We have our Moose club picnic Saturday. Hoping to make at least the 2nd half of it for Simon. So many good people there that are so supportive of my family. They keep me going too! I have been having some "good feeling times" throughout the day off and on yesterday and praying it continues. Other than this blog I think I do a pretty good job staying smiling. I waited a bit this a.m. to write so I am not feeling to bad right now. Legs are tingly and numb but it usually passes in an hour or two! So far so good!  I want to be one of these ladies that did my same chemo that felt a little better. :) My goal!

I don't know WHAT I was thinking last night posting a public invitation to try and do a brunch this morning on my face book. lol Simon has plans and I thought it would be nice to see some girls and have a bite to eat but now I'm nervous that I won't be up to it! Good news, most busy, except one! And Kelly, would probably come visit with me here at home if I can't!  Must think before post next time!

On a good note, I had a friend deliver some wood for my deck fire pit. We've always used the clean burn logs from Walmart to have a little fire on occasssion, but I wanted a chemical free fire to roast some marshmellows with Simon. He has never had one! So I am really looking forward to that! I love sitting on the deck at night with him on my swing and him telling me stories. <3 Last night we sat and he told me all the things that he could see in the clouds. Such an imagination he has! Truly my best time of the day!

Time for tea refill. I'm already water logged so I'm switching. Have a blessed day!

Brrrr 52 on this Tuesday in PA in July!

Yes, very chilly this morning. Fall weather, waking up shivering! From mornings of 50's to afternoons in the 70's. Almost tempted to turn on little space heater at 5 am to take the extreme chill off!  But, I just bundled up good and got under blankets. Need to slipper shop! lol A little early in the season, but not when its 50's!

Yesterday I felt a little better. It was an up and down day. I'd feel ok for a little while then not so good, off and on.  BUT was happy to hear that I was correct in thinking I had MRSA. Not happy to have it but happy to know I wasn't crazy :). I had the same thing about a week after my very first chemo that I felt so ill and was put on an antibiotic. Then again, almost 3 weeks ago. This all could have been avoided if I'd had the right antibiotic over 2 months ago. :( So, I tossed the 2 antibiotics they gave me and started another one last night. The first 2 help a little but aren't the best choice for it I was told. This one is supposed to go in for the kill. Yay. Hopefully this one 3x a day next 10 days does the trick! This being sick junk is for the birds. I don't mind a few days of not feeling well but endless going into weeks is just too much. So here's to new med slashing the MRSA.

On another note, my UMC specialist called back. Still confused. Not going to dwell on it though. Just do my time. haha. She isn't quite sure about the lymph node comment on pathology report either. Could be nothing. Could be a little something. But she assured me it won't matter because she stated it's so close to the tumor that it will be removed along with it during surgery after chemotherapy. I'm praying it comes back clear at that time, I think it's the difference between radiation or not. Oh please pray for no radiation. I wouldn't even be doing all this chemo if it weren't for the Her2+ being 3+. Tried everything to get out of chemo. lol But was told it's the best route. Now I'm 2 mths invested so I've got to hang in there and finish. It's a challenge. I keep reading these other women doing a similar chemo plan to mine and they all feel ok. Hoping mine is linked to the 2 mths lingering MRSA and will continue to improve. Maybe? lol  Please! :)

Made dinner last night. Seemed like forever that I actually cooked. But in my defense, summer is always less cooking and more grilling and such! But this crazy weather had me thinking fall foods. Needed to take the chill off the kitchen anyhow. So I made Grandma Sally's Stuffed Pepper Balls, mashed potatoes, and corn. A crowd pleaser here. I ate a little. But yikes, did I pay for it. lol Belly pains for about an hour, but it did stay put! :)

Amazingly, to this day my weekly blood work checking my white count for the need of that expensive shot that has those terrible side effects hasn't been necessary. I had that shot one time and was told I'd get it weekly. When I questioned it, and asked to have my blood checked to see if I needed it they agreed. And to this day, I haven't had to have one. hmmmmm. Politics? Government?I don't put much energy into digesting that, but I will say it does make one think! :)

So again, this morning started out rough, but already starting to feel a little better. My anti nausea with my tea is starting to kick in. YAY. Hoping for a decent day! Sometimes it's hard putting on my happy face, but for the fact of my little one with his generous affections.

Have a great Tuesday! We will here! God Bless! 

Monday morning, really early!

It's 5:30 am and very quiet! The house is still asleep. I slept pretty good off and on from 830 or so. Took an Ambien around 10 I think. Woke up a few times, but rolled over and dozed back off. All in all not too bad. :)

I don't think I have any appts till chemo Thursday, but I'd have to check with Shelly, to be sure. Hoping to hear from my Pitts specialist soon on my ultrasound.  Oncology doctor just didn't know the answers I need. :/  So I'm hoping once Dr. Bonaventura receives all of my reports and cd's that she can fill in the blanks. I was told I'd hear from her late Friday, but didn't. Wasn't to concerned though, a phone call from her then would be limited also until she has my cd which was being mailed. The reports were faxed but the films and cd mailed. So I will be patient till she gets those all together and can make her assessments. I will call my other doctor later today and see if he has pathology report back on my infection that has kept me down this pat 2 weeks. Seeing if it's MRSA or not. It is much better as far as the area, but the lingering body pains and issues are still hanging around. Wish cancer had better treatment options than chemotherapy. It truly is brutal. I've read different combos for different cancers are more tolerable, but my heart goes out to those with any like this! I will say Saturday night helped a lot, getting dressed, and doing makeup and leaving the house for awhile. My friends were able to distract me and make me feel almost normal for a little bit. I'm blessed. :)

It's almost August and it just feels like summer is slipping away! Missing my family gatherings soooo much. Seems like we aren't doing as much as we have in the previous summers. Normally we'd be together every weekend for swimming and picnics and this year is a little slacking. Maybe I will push for some more time there! I miss the little ones running around and the big boys floating and carrying on. Feels a little like they are avoiding me. Maybe I should start wearing hair around them! lol try and blend in a little more and make them think I feel better!

Today I am trying to start making myself eat something small with these morning meds. Yes, it was a small sugar cookie, barely got it down, but trying to get something in my belly before all the medication goes in. Have to figure out a way to protect my lining more. I've been having a lot of pain with the daily nausea. Maybe I should be nicer to my lining! lol Hoping it will pay off and start to improve!

Mondays are usually pretty hum drum, but today I am going to make an effort to make it a good one. For the whole household. Thawing out some hamburger to make a pot of stuffed pepper balls for them. (Their grandma Sally's recipe!)  A good day for it. 50 in PA this morning, with a high of 74 at 4pm. Good day for it! Woke up feeling pretty bad, but already starting to improve. Let's have it continue throughout the day! 

May everyone have a very blessed week ahead! <3 

Sunday night.

I made it through the weekend. Still kickin ;) lol I've had my doubts the last couple weeks, but hanging in there. Friday we had some plans but were unable to even attempt them because of cancer. Disappointed wasn't the word. More like getting discouraged.

Saturday was pretty relaxing most of the day, Simon had his first bowling adventure with dad. From the pictures it looked like he really enjoyed it! I stayed home and did the bed to recliner routine pretty much most of the day. Saturday night I had scheduled the girls to watch Simon. My body and mind tried to talk myself out of it multiple times before the girls even got here! But, I didn't cave. We went. Had a nice time seeing some friends and having some adult time after almost 2 weeks at home sick. Other than doctors appts its been fairly lonely and just plain miserable being stuck not feeling well. It used to be when not feeling well at least a little deck company could distract me, but the last couple weeks its been too hard to even make it out to the deck. It amazes me how many people have gone through this sometimes multiple times and I've never really heard about the huge impact it has on your life. It consumes you. :/  Thus, forcing myself out awhile last night, helped my mental state quite a bit. And I made it almost 3 hours. That's impressive in itself. But getting towards 11, I had def had enough and needed to be home. :)

This morning Simon was all excited and ready for Sunday school. Full of energy and ready to go! Off he went! I spent the day between bed and recliner mostly but did manage to get outside for a small time to watch baby play. Still struggling with head and stomach pains, and dizzy nausea is getting old fast! Cancer has no allies. ;)

Boys are at the grocery store now, so it's a little quiet time. I think I'm going to use it to crawl back into bed again and try and ease some of the pains. Hope everyone had a good Sunday! God Bless!

Rough morning.

I can honestly say if it weren't for my 3 yr old needing to be with mama each day I'd move out of my own home. Waking up sick and needing in the bathroom, waiting 45 min, then Simon's wakeup and needing stuff at 615 am while I'm still waiting for bathroom is just not a great start to the day. Going into kitchen to make a cup of tea, and seeing sticky countertops and sticky table, (my fault cuz I grilled them some dinner and didn't clean) is just another lovely bonus living with insensitive clueless men. These 2 really have NO idea what cancer and chemo is all about. I think moving in with my family and  them dealing with living on their own, including paying daycare $800 a month may be an eye opener that should come soon. Hey, I may need to do what I have to do, to get through this.  :) JUST SAYING. 

TGIF

Trying to think of something bright and cheery to start with :) lol hey its FRIDAY. Not that Friday seems to be much of anything lately. My fun filled family weekend time seems to have resorted to still the same as the week days of recliner to bed and back every couple of hours. BUT maybe this week since chemo was cancelled I will have a brake in the sickness! To be announced.

Uneventful yesterday after post. Went to moms to float but after calling doctor they needed me to run to hospital and have records and films sent out so I had a few min sitting in the sun and then did that and came back home. Not much to report on the evening except lounging and a little tent building with baby on the race car bed we have set up in the living room. :) I grilled them some chicken and zucchini for dinner and flopped on the bed for the night.

This morning, still the same familiar aches and belly woes. Waiting for the meds to subside them. Usually about an hour and things settle from head to toe. Always these hot cold feelings from bald head down. Not sure what they are, except very annoying and slightly uncomfortable.  Maybe related to all the chemo stopping your girly stuff from happening each month. Maybe. Best guess.

I don't think we have any plans this weekend. It's a special surprise night for a very well deserving friend that I am hoping to have the energy to make an appearance! I won't hold my breath and I won't force myself but I am hoping that I feel well enough to pop over. Weather looks pretty good all weekend, maybe some pool time at mom's or over at another friend who has gotten a new pool. One step at a time. See if I can. :)

Off to check the news and weather. Simon is already raring to go since 615 am. Dressed and has his breakfast out. Have a great FRIDAY! Cheers to the weekend. God Bless.

Chemo postponed.

Went to chemo but it got postponed due to the infection. Sent over to surgeon to see if it needed lanced and sent out to lab and see what med will help. Didn't need lanced, YAY, just swabbed, which was a little ouchy, to send away and see if it's MRSA and see what meds will help kill it off the best, so I can resume chemo. So I get the week off. Oncology didn't want to suppress my immune system more with the infection so a week Except that its like a car paymt that you can pass on and the tact it on the end. :/ So I didn't get out of it, just delayed it ;) So home, take drugs. And try and repair for next week enough to continue chemo.

Dr. Pathe called and said that I now have a non enlarged lymph node in the area that needs to be watched. :( Not good. One step at a time. Though.

Think I head to moms and lay on a float and forget my woes.  Have to go there and call Dr. Bonaventura and see what she thinks about this new thing. augh.

Float may help.
 :)

Chemo day. Again.

Moving slow. Feels like I got ripped off with being sick the whole week. I usually get a little break and feel ok, never great, but at least ok a few days before chemo. This time ran from last Thursday through. Bummed. :) Maybe I should cancel? Ok, so I'm probably not allowed but wow, is it tempting!
It's only 630. Waiting for meds to kick in so I can grab a quick shower and get dressed. Simon and his dad are up and taking me. Not sure how well that will last, chemo isn't a real exciting place for a 3 yr old. Sure he will bring a few smiles though to others sitting there.

Need my tea to perk me up. After chemo, going straight over to family doctor to see if they can check out this area and test for MRSA. See if that's why I'm still sick. Doesn't seen to be healing very fast even with this antibiotic now 3 days going on 4. :/

Looks like another chilly day! Chilly in PA today 55 this morning! High of 76 later! After a week of 90 we are freezing!

Happy Thursday!  Hope everyone has a good one. God Bless.

:(

Don't want to be sick any more. Seems like forever.

Wednesday.

6 am. Tea and meds. House is quiet, with Simon still asleep. :)

Yesterday went well. I will have more details tomorrow when I talk to the doctor, but the doctor at the hospital that looked at the ultrasound did reassure that the tumor had shrunk. I don't think a lot, but any is a good sign. I had fears of it growing while undergoing chemo with the Her2+ so high. But it is shrinking! Good to know that all this hard work is doing something.

I'm thinking my misery from infection is coming from an area top of thigh and near bum bending point that has a bump. About a month and a half ago I had a spot there that was infected and needed an antibiotic and now again I have it. Bf has had MRSA 4 times now and I am wondering if that is what it could be.  Simon had a spot on him last month and took an antibiotic for his too. I didn't put it all together until yesterday when I noticed that it isn't getting better. I don't think I have a sinus or respiratory infection at all, I think both times that I've been really sick could be related to this. Oncology doctor hasn't really said much other than she'd check it in a week, but I made an apt with family doctor for tomorrow to see if she can test it and see if it's MRSA and maybe needs something stronger. I'd rather address it now than have it come back in a month if that's what has had me sick in bed all these days! Today I noticed its getting bigger and more painful to sit. YEEEOUCH. :)  Whatever it is, it needs to go away! I KNOW it can't be an infected hair follicle, lol as there isn't barely any left anywhere. Cept my eyebrows and lashes. :) yay!  Wish if I were to have an infected spot of whatever that it could have landed in a better spot. lol As this one is a little too close to home, and isn't fun to show any doctor. Kind of odd that doctor didn't put 2 and 2 together with the infections and antibiotics and this spot and how sick I've been twice now, since she wrote out the scripts, but I guess that's why it's best to pay attention. I just want it checked and looked into to avoid it coming back and creating any more sickness if it is related!

Nothing on calendar today. Just try and relax and feel better. I think grandma is taking Simon for awhile this morning. I think I will soak in another Epsom salt bath when he goes. Maybe by candle light with tea! lol Seems to help with the aches and pains and would be good for my lump. I will say baths and showers are now the quickest easiest thing to do. When you have no shaving or head preparation its very easy. Getting ready for anything takes no time at all and when you can't focus on your hair and how it looks its a whole new experience. It's a real test of your strength to go bald. I wish I'd have shaved my head years ago with a cancer patient to be honest. It's an eye opener to my vanity. As women we don't realize how much of who we feel we are is in how we look. And our hair is such a huge part of it. But when it's gone, you have a whole new outlook on things. I wish in my younger days that I would have chosen to have this experience versus having no choice. Most of my life I've been referred to as the cute little blond. Other than a few chubby years of 60 lbs and steroids, where I was more like cute short blond. lol  Regardless, that long blond hair was a huge part of who I am, or so I had always thought. :) I'm ok though. Being bald is ok. I'm finding out more about myself and how others react than I ever thought I could. This certainly changes your entire thought process on life and how the world is. I've learned that my hair, and I will have to learn that my breasts, do not define me. I'm more certain now than ever that I will have a double mastectomy when I am through with treatment. I am only doing this once. If cancer chooses to pop up anywhere again, I can deal with it, but it will NOT be coming back in any breast tissue. Simon is 3 yrs old. He is dealing with all this pretty well considering. But I don't want him to have to deal with his mom sick again in 5 yrs or 10 or whenever, if there is anything I can do to increase my odds of staying cancer free I have to do it.

My decision is a little easier also with the location of my cancer and the fact that I qualify for double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction and nipple sparing. With small breasts and my cancer being way up high near armpit, they are able to do cuts under breasts and remove all tissue and put in the expanders right way to rebuild, leaving my nipples completely in tact. A very personal decision for each woman facing this. I don't blame any women choosing the lumpectomy and saving their breasts but for me and this little one that I need to stay healthy for, I feel it's the best decision. Hopefully, this will keep me healthier, longer. I feel really good about my choice to do it this way, especially since my PET scan showed no other cancer anywhere in my body. Only in the breast tissue.

Well, feels like I've been rambling on, so I will end on that note! Happy Hump day! Tomorrow is chemo and talk with doctor more on my ultrasound then see family doctor about the infection. I have a family member getting her mamo and a sono to make sure she is healthy and no cancer tomorrow too. Praying very hard that all is clear there. Would LOVE for everyone reading this to pray with me. No more breast cancer in this family. <3 Altho, my genetic testing came back that there are no genetic factors in my breast cancer, some extra prayers can't hurt!

Off to enjoy this baby awhile! Have a great day and god bless!!

Tuesday, testing day!

Day started out ok. Wasn't feeling too great but a small improvement. Then I over did. :) As usual.
Took meds and had my tea, thinking it would be easy morning with shower and get ready for ultrasound appointment with mom and Shelly. Brian's mom coming to watch baby so I thought we'd go to appt and maybe lunch afterwards if I were able to eat. But reality is with a 3 yr old there is no rest.

Had my tea and he was up bright and early, 6am I think! So made him his breakfast and got him dressed, then made beds. Cleaned up some toys from night before with him, and glanced at the kitchen mess. :/  Knowing Liz was coming I didn't want to leave a sticky stove and countertops and sink full of dirty dishes, I went and cleaned all that up before collapsing into chair. Body just has no energy still and that horrible sickly feeling and chills and sweats driving me nuts! Mustered up enough energy for a quick shower and dressed and flopped back in the chair. Exhausted now and thinking NO chance of eating lunch again. Just too nausea. I can barely move. Love to climb back into bed and close eyes again. Although when I do, its not sleep, but it keeps the head from spinning and hurting. BLAH. Maybe as the day progresses and more antibiotic starts working I will feel better. Surely! :)

Ate a little salad last night. Need to work on the appetite. Nurse said I weighed in at 103. I was 128 at Christmas and wanted to be 120. What a waste of time that was. lol I think I can maintain a healthier weight if I make a list of things that are ready made and handy as I tend to be more lazy than anything. Increasing my food intake should add to energy level too, I'd hope. Will work on it. ;) Need to, to keep up with Simon.

Well, off to close eyes for 20 min till Liz gets here to watch Simon.

Hope everyone has a fab day! I'm hoping just to feel even a little better as the day progresses!

God Bless!  <3