Wednesday.

6 am. Tea and meds. House is quiet, with Simon still asleep. :)

Yesterday went well. I will have more details tomorrow when I talk to the doctor, but the doctor at the hospital that looked at the ultrasound did reassure that the tumor had shrunk. I don't think a lot, but any is a good sign. I had fears of it growing while undergoing chemo with the Her2+ so high. But it is shrinking! Good to know that all this hard work is doing something.

I'm thinking my misery from infection is coming from an area top of thigh and near bum bending point that has a bump. About a month and a half ago I had a spot there that was infected and needed an antibiotic and now again I have it. Bf has had MRSA 4 times now and I am wondering if that is what it could be.  Simon had a spot on him last month and took an antibiotic for his too. I didn't put it all together until yesterday when I noticed that it isn't getting better. I don't think I have a sinus or respiratory infection at all, I think both times that I've been really sick could be related to this. Oncology doctor hasn't really said much other than she'd check it in a week, but I made an apt with family doctor for tomorrow to see if she can test it and see if it's MRSA and maybe needs something stronger. I'd rather address it now than have it come back in a month if that's what has had me sick in bed all these days! Today I noticed its getting bigger and more painful to sit. YEEEOUCH. :)  Whatever it is, it needs to go away! I KNOW it can't be an infected hair follicle, lol as there isn't barely any left anywhere. Cept my eyebrows and lashes. :) yay!  Wish if I were to have an infected spot of whatever that it could have landed in a better spot. lol As this one is a little too close to home, and isn't fun to show any doctor. Kind of odd that doctor didn't put 2 and 2 together with the infections and antibiotics and this spot and how sick I've been twice now, since she wrote out the scripts, but I guess that's why it's best to pay attention. I just want it checked and looked into to avoid it coming back and creating any more sickness if it is related!

Nothing on calendar today. Just try and relax and feel better. I think grandma is taking Simon for awhile this morning. I think I will soak in another Epsom salt bath when he goes. Maybe by candle light with tea! lol Seems to help with the aches and pains and would be good for my lump. I will say baths and showers are now the quickest easiest thing to do. When you have no shaving or head preparation its very easy. Getting ready for anything takes no time at all and when you can't focus on your hair and how it looks its a whole new experience. It's a real test of your strength to go bald. I wish I'd have shaved my head years ago with a cancer patient to be honest. It's an eye opener to my vanity. As women we don't realize how much of who we feel we are is in how we look. And our hair is such a huge part of it. But when it's gone, you have a whole new outlook on things. I wish in my younger days that I would have chosen to have this experience versus having no choice. Most of my life I've been referred to as the cute little blond. Other than a few chubby years of 60 lbs and steroids, where I was more like cute short blond. lol  Regardless, that long blond hair was a huge part of who I am, or so I had always thought. :) I'm ok though. Being bald is ok. I'm finding out more about myself and how others react than I ever thought I could. This certainly changes your entire thought process on life and how the world is. I've learned that my hair, and I will have to learn that my breasts, do not define me. I'm more certain now than ever that I will have a double mastectomy when I am through with treatment. I am only doing this once. If cancer chooses to pop up anywhere again, I can deal with it, but it will NOT be coming back in any breast tissue. Simon is 3 yrs old. He is dealing with all this pretty well considering. But I don't want him to have to deal with his mom sick again in 5 yrs or 10 or whenever, if there is anything I can do to increase my odds of staying cancer free I have to do it.

My decision is a little easier also with the location of my cancer and the fact that I qualify for double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction and nipple sparing. With small breasts and my cancer being way up high near armpit, they are able to do cuts under breasts and remove all tissue and put in the expanders right way to rebuild, leaving my nipples completely in tact. A very personal decision for each woman facing this. I don't blame any women choosing the lumpectomy and saving their breasts but for me and this little one that I need to stay healthy for, I feel it's the best decision. Hopefully, this will keep me healthier, longer. I feel really good about my choice to do it this way, especially since my PET scan showed no other cancer anywhere in my body. Only in the breast tissue.

Well, feels like I've been rambling on, so I will end on that note! Happy Hump day! Tomorrow is chemo and talk with doctor more on my ultrasound then see family doctor about the infection. I have a family member getting her mamo and a sono to make sure she is healthy and no cancer tomorrow too. Praying very hard that all is clear there. Would LOVE for everyone reading this to pray with me. No more breast cancer in this family. <3 Altho, my genetic testing came back that there are no genetic factors in my breast cancer, some extra prayers can't hurt!

Off to enjoy this baby awhile! Have a great day and god bless!!