Lol went out. Relaxed. Took NOT one of my 15 scripts today except nausea. And made it from 8 to 10:30!! Yes I had chemo and and other meds via i.v. but they said still ok to take pain meds etc but I chose not too. :) Grandma Rakarich watched Simon and he was a bit unsure and wanted, and begged me with sleep over with grammy and pappy , but he did very well with grandma Rack. Very nice night.
I didn't wear hair. It just feels weird. I am going to order light weigh bright color hair wig that looks fake that I can wear come fall. This "fake long look" doesn't work for me. I am odd. I am what I am. Play wig for fun wig that doesn't look or feel real Im cool, but what I need to look ,like me and isn't real or I I feel odd. :( Sounds odd to me too). lol
Anyhow many are talking of a benefit for me in oct or nov. That feels weird to me. I'm not a sick person!!!! I am a strong tuff, excuse my language, Bitch! I have said NOOOO for last few weeks But I am now considering it. :/ I HATE needing help. But I really could use it. Blah darn it and crap!
Oh well. I will do what they need me to do. It's just oh so hard to admit the reality of it all being a life threatening disease. Blah no way. Im tuff. MAYBE 6 wk chemo!!! In two week we will sono tho! Sucker better be shrinking! If not chemo will go more aggressive and longer,,,,
BUT NOT me!!
Enuf of that !!! I will do this, I will conquer it with god and family and extended family reading this junk!
Keep u posted on sono...2 weeks! Love to all who came out!! <3
Friday, July 5, 2013
Fireworks!
Over slept a little! Already 7 am! Having a little tea and checking in on here before I get ready for chemo. Mom will be taking me today, and pick up is at 7:45. Can't quite see yet, and none of the meds are started. Don't want to go today. lol Rather sleep in.....But. oh well. I will do as I am told.
Yesterday was very nice! Had a fairly good day considering how I was feeling. Took Simon to our annual 4th picnic at Mic and Cheryls. Tons of great food. Ate a little, but didn't manage to keep it down for long. and I had to take two little naps on miss Cheryls couch, but I did enjoy seeing everyone and Simon had a blast. :)
We opted to join my family for the fireworks rather than stay at picnic. So we moved over a couple of blocks and set up out chairs and goodies with them! We had prepared all the little ones with ear muffs ( the type you use when gun shooting) and they babies seemed to really enjoy the fireworks! Simon referred to his as ear gloves. lol And Bailey his 4 yr old cousin was trying to get Si to help her catch the firefleas! We aren't quite sure where firefleas came from other than maybe it's easier to say then fireflies! It was a great night, but home by 11, and everyone was really dragging!! It didn't take long for any of us to fall asleep!
Off to chemo.....TGIF!!!! and God Bless!!!!
Yesterday was very nice! Had a fairly good day considering how I was feeling. Took Simon to our annual 4th picnic at Mic and Cheryls. Tons of great food. Ate a little, but didn't manage to keep it down for long. and I had to take two little naps on miss Cheryls couch, but I did enjoy seeing everyone and Simon had a blast. :)
We opted to join my family for the fireworks rather than stay at picnic. So we moved over a couple of blocks and set up out chairs and goodies with them! We had prepared all the little ones with ear muffs ( the type you use when gun shooting) and they babies seemed to really enjoy the fireworks! Simon referred to his as ear gloves. lol And Bailey his 4 yr old cousin was trying to get Si to help her catch the firefleas! We aren't quite sure where firefleas came from other than maybe it's easier to say then fireflies! It was a great night, but home by 11, and everyone was really dragging!! It didn't take long for any of us to fall asleep!
Off to chemo.....TGIF!!!! and God Bless!!!!
Thursday, July 4, 2013
6 am and its Thursday....the 4th of July!!!
Had a blast last night. Stayed out too late. Up too early. And so happy I went!
Very little food though. Again. I tried. I did eat though! One cheese stick. One fourth of fried pickle. and a bite of chicken wing! lol Ok so to many it doesn't sound like much, but for me that's HUGE!
The eating thing is hard for me. I do get hungry. And I LOVE food. I have to jump on it when it comes, like seriously, if I feel hungry I have to IMMEDIATELY eat, or it passes and may not come around again for hours. :/ Very odd for me. I could go without sugar, or junk food for days, but I do love my carbs. But it has to be ready and sitting in front of me, or I am lazy and just don't care, and then a whole day goes by, and I've forgotten. Yea yea I will work on that......
Went to the Moose last night bald. But had a hat. The only place I feel comfortable without hiding. ;) My vanity gets the best of me at times. But being a member there almost 10 yrs I feel as though most of them are family. And I had some friends come along, old and new. Very cool. Very fun. And a night where I felt very close to being normal. I had a sitter here who adores the baby as much as me, so I was really able to relax and not give it a thought. I will say I am blessed there. I have a few girls that are so perfect for my little guy! Simon has a few girls that he asks for, and I feel very lucky because when these girls help me with him, I can really not give a second thought, and focus on some fun. :) Will say I miss my Allie, chickie goes to camp in the summer, BUT she lives within walking distance and comes to see us, even not when sitting! BIG shout out to Paige, though, her second sitting with Simon, and she is good for my moral too. Her mama raised her right. Both have a VERY close spot in my heart. Both make me feel beautiful and normal.
Today is the 4th of July. Picnic day, god willing I feel well. :) I don't want to think about tomorrow. Chemo again. Blah. BUT today is a holiday, hoping for an appitite!! ALWAYS the best food at Mick and Cheryls picnic!! I KNOW that Donna will have her cheesy tater casserole there!!! Please Lord, let me have an appitite! lol...maybe i will take a plate home just in case! Knowing I may get the urge to eat at any point when I am home, I may get the urge to eat!
I think I repeat myself a lot. I'm not 100% sure, because I don't read my posts. I don't want to. But I write so that I can look back.....way down the road when I'm cured and remember, if needed, to embrace life, and cherish each healthy day once this over. I'm hoping and praying my thoughts are helping someone out there cancer or not and being and saying what really happens throughout all this. My goal is that posts help someone. Anyone. Whether they have cancer or not. NOT is even better! I pray they find a cure that doesn't require a weekly poison.
I still laugh every night before bed when I run bathroom water to wash my makeup off, set my clean wash rag out and grab my headband to put on to keep my hair from being soaped. LOL I toss the headband and laugh each time! I think I should move them.....old habits are hard to break!
You all now you do the same thing!!!! When your electricity is out and you walk into a room and hit the light switch! ;)
Ok, off to make a cup of tea...and my Umar (bff friend from WAYYYYY back) sent me his mama's pistachio bread to have a slice this a.m. Hoping IT will stay down.
OOPS forgot, I got more presents last night too, my Jess (another bff) got me a new princess hat! woop woop! maybe where it to chemo...blah, moving on. Don't wanna go. This will be first one without my sister. :( Mom is taking me. Shelly needs a day to herself. And Miss Tiff always stops in, that makes it easier. I don't think Tiff has missed one yet either <3 .
Happy 4th to all!!! Enjoy your day. Hug your loved ones!!!! And as always....
God Bless!!
Very little food though. Again. I tried. I did eat though! One cheese stick. One fourth of fried pickle. and a bite of chicken wing! lol Ok so to many it doesn't sound like much, but for me that's HUGE!
The eating thing is hard for me. I do get hungry. And I LOVE food. I have to jump on it when it comes, like seriously, if I feel hungry I have to IMMEDIATELY eat, or it passes and may not come around again for hours. :/ Very odd for me. I could go without sugar, or junk food for days, but I do love my carbs. But it has to be ready and sitting in front of me, or I am lazy and just don't care, and then a whole day goes by, and I've forgotten. Yea yea I will work on that......
Went to the Moose last night bald. But had a hat. The only place I feel comfortable without hiding. ;) My vanity gets the best of me at times. But being a member there almost 10 yrs I feel as though most of them are family. And I had some friends come along, old and new. Very cool. Very fun. And a night where I felt very close to being normal. I had a sitter here who adores the baby as much as me, so I was really able to relax and not give it a thought. I will say I am blessed there. I have a few girls that are so perfect for my little guy! Simon has a few girls that he asks for, and I feel very lucky because when these girls help me with him, I can really not give a second thought, and focus on some fun. :) Will say I miss my Allie, chickie goes to camp in the summer, BUT she lives within walking distance and comes to see us, even not when sitting! BIG shout out to Paige, though, her second sitting with Simon, and she is good for my moral too. Her mama raised her right. Both have a VERY close spot in my heart. Both make me feel beautiful and normal.
Today is the 4th of July. Picnic day, god willing I feel well. :) I don't want to think about tomorrow. Chemo again. Blah. BUT today is a holiday, hoping for an appitite!! ALWAYS the best food at Mick and Cheryls picnic!! I KNOW that Donna will have her cheesy tater casserole there!!! Please Lord, let me have an appitite! lol...maybe i will take a plate home just in case! Knowing I may get the urge to eat at any point when I am home, I may get the urge to eat!
I think I repeat myself a lot. I'm not 100% sure, because I don't read my posts. I don't want to. But I write so that I can look back.....way down the road when I'm cured and remember, if needed, to embrace life, and cherish each healthy day once this over. I'm hoping and praying my thoughts are helping someone out there cancer or not and being and saying what really happens throughout all this. My goal is that posts help someone. Anyone. Whether they have cancer or not. NOT is even better! I pray they find a cure that doesn't require a weekly poison.
I still laugh every night before bed when I run bathroom water to wash my makeup off, set my clean wash rag out and grab my headband to put on to keep my hair from being soaped. LOL I toss the headband and laugh each time! I think I should move them.....old habits are hard to break!
You all now you do the same thing!!!! When your electricity is out and you walk into a room and hit the light switch! ;)
Ok, off to make a cup of tea...and my Umar (bff friend from WAYYYYY back) sent me his mama's pistachio bread to have a slice this a.m. Hoping IT will stay down.
OOPS forgot, I got more presents last night too, my Jess (another bff) got me a new princess hat! woop woop! maybe where it to chemo...blah, moving on. Don't wanna go. This will be first one without my sister. :( Mom is taking me. Shelly needs a day to herself. And Miss Tiff always stops in, that makes it easier. I don't think Tiff has missed one yet either <3 .
Happy 4th to all!!! Enjoy your day. Hug your loved ones!!!! And as always....
God Bless!!
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Wednesday. Work week catching up to me!
It's Wed. but more like a Friday with the holiday tomorrow. :) Although, this Friday isn't a whole lot of excitement for me, anyhow, as it is chemo day. It got moved a day forward due to the 4th of July Holiday. Summer is slipping way so quickly! I feel like the last month and a half has been a whirlwind and blur!
For some reason, this year when the weather broke and I received my diagnosis, I had this urge to finish projects and clean out and clear areas of my home that had been neglected for many years. It must be some type of psychological thing. I'm really not sure. Yesterday, I started out not feeling so well, then mid day had a boost of energy that carried into the evening a bit, before a huge crash sent me to bed at 5:00. Then after 2 hours there I felt the need to push myself again and finish the toy section sorting I had started. So far in the past 3 weeks. I've completed, and sorted and cleared out a computer room that looked like an episode of hoarders (for past 3 years) with the help, very little, from my boyfriend, and it is looking much better. Then the bathroom, had a new tub, shower surround, flooring, and light fixture, along with some much needed plumbing update on sink and tub fixed, (friend Tony) did all that, and my two older boys did the demolition in there before hand. Success there! The living room was another project, Hoarders corners, in each section, that had to be sorted and donation piles, garbage, and keep piles. All 4 corners! I have 3 completed as of yesterday, and one to go! I still have a pile sitting there. to go to donation and a big pile outside my door to be hauled away by garbage truck, its a bathtub and demo pile with tile etc. :/ first estimate was $90. But that seems to steep. I will look around for someone less pricey. And I got my 2 new screen doors replaced! BEAUTIFUL! Brian bought the doors and Tony installed them. This has been a real eye opener this past 3 weeks with my projects and the lack of help from household. Very sad actually. But that's a whole different story. I am VERY proud of myself for what I have accomplished and the things I was able to achieve with the little help from boyfriend and kids and the BIG help from Tony with our barter system! :) I'm most disappointed though in my household that watched me struggle so hard to sort and clear out while "observing" from a distance. I'd hoped for some extra help once the saw me struggle. Well, enough, of that complaining! I did it!! I figured it out and I will continue to do so. It makes me feel GREAT knowing that I used my brain and resources to accomplish as much as I have!
Today, I have to slow it down some though, I need to remind myself that my body needs rest and a break from it all to catch up and remain as healthy as possible before Friday. So today once Simon is off to swimming lessons with grammy, I will run vacuum and try and relax with a bubble bath. Only thing on my mind today is to research a garbage pick up more affordable and maybe find someone willing to take a small donation load of toys etc to drop off somewhere. :) But over all, I know I need to put my clearing out sorting to a halt for a few days. I only have one corner left in living room to go! Kitchen needs sorted eventually, and my bedroom clothing and Simons need a good sorting also. But that stuff will wait another week until I can muster up enough energy. I don't want my bloodwork this Friday coming in too low and need to have that extra shot that increases my white counts but puts me down to almost bed rest. :/
Go me! lol Till later....may everyone have a great day and god bless!!
For some reason, this year when the weather broke and I received my diagnosis, I had this urge to finish projects and clean out and clear areas of my home that had been neglected for many years. It must be some type of psychological thing. I'm really not sure. Yesterday, I started out not feeling so well, then mid day had a boost of energy that carried into the evening a bit, before a huge crash sent me to bed at 5:00. Then after 2 hours there I felt the need to push myself again and finish the toy section sorting I had started. So far in the past 3 weeks. I've completed, and sorted and cleared out a computer room that looked like an episode of hoarders (for past 3 years) with the help, very little, from my boyfriend, and it is looking much better. Then the bathroom, had a new tub, shower surround, flooring, and light fixture, along with some much needed plumbing update on sink and tub fixed, (friend Tony) did all that, and my two older boys did the demolition in there before hand. Success there! The living room was another project, Hoarders corners, in each section, that had to be sorted and donation piles, garbage, and keep piles. All 4 corners! I have 3 completed as of yesterday, and one to go! I still have a pile sitting there. to go to donation and a big pile outside my door to be hauled away by garbage truck, its a bathtub and demo pile with tile etc. :/ first estimate was $90. But that seems to steep. I will look around for someone less pricey. And I got my 2 new screen doors replaced! BEAUTIFUL! Brian bought the doors and Tony installed them. This has been a real eye opener this past 3 weeks with my projects and the lack of help from household. Very sad actually. But that's a whole different story. I am VERY proud of myself for what I have accomplished and the things I was able to achieve with the little help from boyfriend and kids and the BIG help from Tony with our barter system! :) I'm most disappointed though in my household that watched me struggle so hard to sort and clear out while "observing" from a distance. I'd hoped for some extra help once the saw me struggle. Well, enough, of that complaining! I did it!! I figured it out and I will continue to do so. It makes me feel GREAT knowing that I used my brain and resources to accomplish as much as I have!
Today, I have to slow it down some though, I need to remind myself that my body needs rest and a break from it all to catch up and remain as healthy as possible before Friday. So today once Simon is off to swimming lessons with grammy, I will run vacuum and try and relax with a bubble bath. Only thing on my mind today is to research a garbage pick up more affordable and maybe find someone willing to take a small donation load of toys etc to drop off somewhere. :) But over all, I know I need to put my clearing out sorting to a halt for a few days. I only have one corner left in living room to go! Kitchen needs sorted eventually, and my bedroom clothing and Simons need a good sorting also. But that stuff will wait another week until I can muster up enough energy. I don't want my bloodwork this Friday coming in too low and need to have that extra shot that increases my white counts but puts me down to almost bed rest. :/
Go me! lol Till later....may everyone have a great day and god bless!!
Monday, July 1, 2013
Monday plans change.
Day didn't work out as well as I had planned, but I made it through and am anxiously awaiting to be able to fall asleep. Sleep I good when I can get it. For that little time here and there I have no pain. ;)
My plan to get Simon off with grammy and relax in new tub got altered when I remembered a check up with my oncologist at 11 am. :( But I did get enough energy up to getting in for a quick one, and ended up with a "helper" who rolled up his little sleeves and filled the cup up over and over again to rinse me off, giggling like crazy every time he got to run it over my bald head and let it runn down my face. Not so much relaxing but a whole lot of smiles!
Then a text from Tony who is doing some repairs for me that he had a job come up and would like to reschedule for tomorrow, which worked out fine since I had the appt to go to.My appt was fine all good till Fridays new scheduled chemo. Will always be Thursdays but due to holiday it is Friday this week.
Plans all week for different things but fear the strength just wont be there. :( Hate to disappoint anyone!)
Shelly and I went to appt and even managed to get to Panera and have some soup and a baggette, which thankfully stayed put! Then home and napped, Si looked as tired as me from his swim lesson.
Still not feeling so well AT ALL, but the things this baby here says and does gives me the incentive I need to push forward.
Made myself go this evening and take him to get icecream! His first trip ever to icecream store where he had decided on a cone with chocolate soft serve ome sprinkles and a cherry on top! His face was sooo lit up with happiness, I'm glad I forced myself to go. He had a very unique technique going with eating it but he managed rather well! <3
Pills kicking in, off to sleep.
God Bless!
My plan to get Simon off with grammy and relax in new tub got altered when I remembered a check up with my oncologist at 11 am. :( But I did get enough energy up to getting in for a quick one, and ended up with a "helper" who rolled up his little sleeves and filled the cup up over and over again to rinse me off, giggling like crazy every time he got to run it over my bald head and let it runn down my face. Not so much relaxing but a whole lot of smiles!
Then a text from Tony who is doing some repairs for me that he had a job come up and would like to reschedule for tomorrow, which worked out fine since I had the appt to go to.My appt was fine all good till Fridays new scheduled chemo. Will always be Thursdays but due to holiday it is Friday this week.
Plans all week for different things but fear the strength just wont be there. :( Hate to disappoint anyone!)
Shelly and I went to appt and even managed to get to Panera and have some soup and a baggette, which thankfully stayed put! Then home and napped, Si looked as tired as me from his swim lesson.
Still not feeling so well AT ALL, but the things this baby here says and does gives me the incentive I need to push forward.
Made myself go this evening and take him to get icecream! His first trip ever to icecream store where he had decided on a cone with chocolate soft serve ome sprinkles and a cherry on top! His face was sooo lit up with happiness, I'm glad I forced myself to go. He had a very unique technique going with eating it but he managed rather well! <3
Pills kicking in, off to sleep.
God Bless!
Chemo pic, once it takes its toll.
This is what I really look like each day as I wake up and the chemo takes its toll. I'm one to NEVER let anyone see me without makeup and hair done, but I feel it's important to show the reality of it and get it outa my system. :) I scare myself when walking by a mirror, each day it sinks in more and more and I'm looking like how I really feel. But once I clean up and put some color back into my face I perk up a little. <3
Its a Monday.
330 am wake up. Just feeling horrible. Another, morning start with the nausea and stomach pains, aches, and this odd hot/cold sensation that kind of rolls over your body here and there. I think a lot of it is the steroid i.v. given during the chemo that wears off after a few days. I was hoping that today would start to improve and my "good days" that I'm told I will get each week were on their way! Maybe it will still come. ;) I read stories and blogs on different cancers and different treatments and wonder how so many people find the strength to fight, some for years at a time with chemo! I guess different chemo treatments have different side effects for each person. Hoping that they have more success than I've been feeling. Although this one isn't as debilitating as the first, I do wonder when some of the side effects will lesson or at least my body will adjust and I will feel less sick.
Last night was fairly uneventful. I managed to get a little baked potato with some bling on it to stay in and also a little chicken noodle soup earlier in the day. After morning cleanup of toys and kitchen and construction debris I spent the remainder of the day laying around. Bathroom is ready to use and the tub was looking so inviting! But I just couldn't manage enough strength to try it! I'm hoping today, when Simon goes to swimming lessons with grammy that I can muster up some strength to get to it. I'm itching to bling it up with some other little things in there, but thinking that it more than likely isn't going to happen unless it's online shopping. And I'd love to get the walls and other areas all wiped down and perked up, but again that's a whole bunch to ask this body during chemo! Maybe as the week progresses I will start to feel better. Surely. lol
Well, off to make a nice strong cup of tea. Maybe a little caffeine will kick in the pain and 4 different belly meds and I can have a good morning!
Big plan today, is to feel well enough, that once baby is off with grammy I can try out that new tub! Crossing my fingers!
And to everyone else, I hope you feel your blessings and your Monday feels like a Friday! It is a short week for many!
God Bless!
Last night was fairly uneventful. I managed to get a little baked potato with some bling on it to stay in and also a little chicken noodle soup earlier in the day. After morning cleanup of toys and kitchen and construction debris I spent the remainder of the day laying around. Bathroom is ready to use and the tub was looking so inviting! But I just couldn't manage enough strength to try it! I'm hoping today, when Simon goes to swimming lessons with grammy that I can muster up some strength to get to it. I'm itching to bling it up with some other little things in there, but thinking that it more than likely isn't going to happen unless it's online shopping. And I'd love to get the walls and other areas all wiped down and perked up, but again that's a whole bunch to ask this body during chemo! Maybe as the week progresses I will start to feel better. Surely. lol
Well, off to make a nice strong cup of tea. Maybe a little caffeine will kick in the pain and 4 different belly meds and I can have a good morning!
Big plan today, is to feel well enough, that once baby is off with grammy I can try out that new tub! Crossing my fingers!
And to everyone else, I hope you feel your blessings and your Monday feels like a Friday! It is a short week for many!
God Bless!
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