...my breast cancer story.

The ups and downs of my breast cancer story.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Friday!!!! Rainbow day? Please?

I can't believe when I look at the date that it's July 19th already :/ Feels like the summer is slipping away. Feel like I've missed so many little milestones with Si this past couple months. I force myself to attend local family and friends gatherings that we would normally be doing but I've passed on our small local carnivals that he and I love! Tammy (friend) did take him to one for me and he LOVED it and came home loaded with goodies. But normally he and I would hit all of them. We also would spend many weekdays over at Grammy's heated in ground pool during the week while most were at work just lounging and taking a friend or too, and haven't done that yet. Today, Grammy is picking Si up this morning to go and swim with Aunt Lynette, and his cousins Bailey and Addy around 9 - 930 as it's still 90 here in our area!  He will go this morning and play and have lunch and be returned near our naptime, so we can both snuggle in and lay down. :) MY fav time of day, cuz I KNOW I'm on limited time with these (he turns 4 in November).

My brain wants to shower, and go eat and pick up a few things for my new bathroom (Shelly got me started with early b-day gifts for it! ) and I now would like to get the little things to bling it up further. I'd also like to search a little more for some sweat suits for chemo. It's FREEZING in there! lol Rough time of year to find them, I'm only picky on style, not brand and its hard to find regular sweat pants with elastic at the ankles (need elastic ankles cuz I'm 5' almost 2" ) lol all I can seem to find are open bottoms which means they are 8 inches too long or sweats that have the elastic but the stop under knee! Lucked out and found one set last week at Boscov's nice and comfy, got the small sweatpants and the large sweatshirt (need comfy and have to be able to access port in my chest for chemo).  My body on the other hand is rebelling and wants to soak in bath and lay down and not move or think. I hate the conflict between brain and body! Guess I will see how I feel in a few hours. Hoping better, to get out of house a little and shop, reality of eating though is WAY out there. lol Too belly sick to dream of that. That would end my shopping dream afterwards.

I will say showers are a breeze now. There's nothing to it. Removed the shampoo and conditioner and razor. All that I use now is my bar of sensitive skin Dove. It works from bald head to toes. Small perk I guess of chemo, if you have to find some. Still THANK god for my small eyebrows and eyelashes! I know they too will fall out, but for now they are hanging in there. I did notice I have to use my eyeliner pencil a little to extend the brows a little at end as they seem to be getting a bit shorter, lol . All VERY weird the things at this age that we take for granted. Most of my habits, are slowly getting better, like the headband at night that I use to pull hair off face to wash makeup, I finally moved them and quit looking for them, sine it wasn't "clicking" that I don't have hair to hold back! Also, removed hair dryer and straightener, no need for those. I do still focus on painting toenails and doing my makeup each day. It really helps to still feel like a girl and not some dying cancer patient. Glancing in the mirror after shower is still a frightening thing before makeup for me. The weight loss and the lack of iron, B12, magnesium, folic acid, and sodium amongst the chemo poisoning each week, just hollows out your face and the dark patches of skin tone and the black under eyes along with a bald head still startles me when walking by. But a little makeup and color back in cheeks makes me feel  much better. Had a hard time trying to figure out how far your makeup is supposed to go without a hair line border, lol but I finally got it figured out.  :)

No desire for weekend "date night". Really just a night out where I can mingle with some adults and friends that I haven't seen and I DO usually enjoy touching base even if it's just an hour or two. I usually end op forcing myself, just for that little time of normalcy. Haven't scheduled a sitter yet though, as I'm just not sure I have the energy this weekend. Maybe Saturday night I will.

I am excited for Monday (girl thing we have going, a surprise I can't talk about). And then Friday, the FUN night for someone who SOOO deserves it! I BETTER feel ok to attend!)  Tuesday is sonogram day to see if chemo is doing anything for my cancer. BLAH. It better be. Or more changes and decisions will need to be made. Don't want to dwell on that till I get the results. And of course Thursday, chemo day. Another BLAH. Not going there...keep my mind on today and the weekend...

Off to make a cup of tea, and see how I feel before Si gets up and his plans get started. :)

TGIF everyone! God Bless!

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