Monday.

Yesterday, started off so good, it was a bit of a teaser before the afternoon reality kicked in. Had a very nice time alone, running some errands and feeling pretty good. I left home with an adventure in mind. First stop was Kohl's for a new hat. Seems to frighten people to see a bald head so I thought I'd bling mine up with a new cap! lol Found 2, and a new matchbox tractor for Si that he didn't have. (Just couldn't go home empty handed to  him!) Next stop was Lowes, where I grabbed a box of tile for the back door, and a clearance planter of geraniums for myself. From there a stop at Home Depot for a box of tile for living room foyer. Then I couldn't resist running into the Hair place near there and having my eyebrows waxed being that it seems to be a focal point on my face now that my hair is mia.  :) Then a stop over at the mall, didn't make it far into there, as I was losing my energy level by this point, but said hello to my sweet friend Krista and looked around a bit. Found a new sweat suit  for chemo, as it tends to be FREEZING in there, and found a new sundress, for what, I'm not sure yet. But knowing me, I will find a place to wear it! Maybe if I'm well enough to attend the benefit that I have tickets for on Saturday!

The rest of the day got more difficult. My errand running caught up to me. Mind feels like its normal and wants to run and do things all the time, and my body can't keep up with it.  Most of the day after my errands turned into lounging and barely moving around. I have a new respect and total awareness of what the phrase cancer survivor is.  Although, I don't completely understand why it is labeled that way. I'd say it's more of a chemo survivor respect. Every day is a day that you tend to focus on your side effects from the chemo and hope for the best. I've finally accepted the outward appearance changes but it's more difficult to accept the feelings of highs and lows and the illness part of chemo side effects. I read that some people have chemo anywhere from 6 mths to yrs of it. GOD BLESS them. How they manage to maintain healthy outlook for that length of time, is beyond me. I guess when faced with it you have no choice but to accept it but WOW, cheers to them! I'm still in a fog with it all half the time. Seems like its been forever, but with that first treatment being a 21 day thing, that got changed and had to wait it out for the new treatment that is weekly, I ended up losing almost a month. :/ The new treatment had to be held off till the 21 day nightmare ran its course, then I could start the weekly one, so really I'm 2 treatments into 16 I think. Fuzzy brain though, have to double check with Shelly. :) I need an end date. A focal point. At least for the chemo. There are no guarentees though so I guess I need to pray for some more patience. 6 mths is the minimum.......but we are praying that, that's all I will need. <3

Ended up on the deck towards evening, being that I didn't feel well, with hot and cold spells, my body just couldn't figure out which way it felt! So hard to explain the side effects. One min your freezing, the next you are burning up!  BUT a surprise visit from Brian's mom and his brother for an hour out there was a nice distraction. Kept me from slipping into pity me mode. Some days its easier than others to stay upbeat and it all seems to fair around these darn side effects. AND I really shouldn't complain. This new treatment is MUCH better than the last one, its mostly tolerable, but so up and down each day. I truly have a whole new respect for cancer/chemo survivors who put in their time and never give up while going through this! Looking at my 3 boys each day gives me the strength to trudge on but wow, what of those who don't have those blessings to keep them going! I need to start each day with listing my blessings and those who have really come through for me. It's really not possible to do all this without the continued support of so many loved ones and my driving force to conquor this for my family and kids.

Each day that passes I see so much maturity and growth coming out in my 3 yr old. He's way beyond his years in these past few weeks. He is growing up so fast, and is absorbing so much of it, even though we continue to try and keep most of it under wraps!  His empathy and compassion for mama not feeling well so often is amazing to me at this age. Truly my "later in life" blessing. I have NO doubt why god gave me my little guy after so many years. My driving force to succeed in treatment.

Off to start the day. Nausea meds now kicking in. Happy dance. Today, Si has swim lessons with grammy and Aunt Lynette and cousins. Mon, tues, wed, and they will be completed. He goes from 10:15 to close to noon, that's mama's free time, where I generally soak in tub. But close to noon, I am watching clock anticipating his return!  I get him some lunch and we snuggle in for nap time. A big FAVORITE time of my day :) !! His too, I do believe!

Our new friend tony and Calub may be stopping by later this afternoon to put down new tile also. Then they have plans to go to $5 all you can eat taco night at the Moose club this evening with us. I can tell already though, that the taco night is a very long shot for me. I'm 99% sure I won't be attending that, but the boys all can go and enjoy! ;)

May your Monday be blessed and feel like a Friday! lol Baby is now up. <3 Off to enjoy my morning with him!